


For Him

by p_eppermintea



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Levi is sad, M/M, Post-reclamation of Wall Maria, ackerbond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:01:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25242076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/p_eppermintea/pseuds/p_eppermintea
Summary: He holds his blade at the Beast Titan's throat, and he can feel that somewhere, Erwin is dying.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81
Collections: Amazing EruRi Fics





	For Him

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a hot second since I've written anything. I'm sorry.  
> I hope this is okay. I'm finding writing a bit tough recently, but I'll get my head back in the game soon, I'm sure!

He feels it long before it actually happens.

The lead-up to the reclamation of Wall Maria gives him an unsettled feeling deep in his gut. The absolute dread swirling around in his head is dizzying.

The whole time — as he's threatening to break Erwin's legs to keep him at home; as their horses trot next to each other; as he's knelt in front of him; and then as he's slicing his way towards the Beast Titan — it's like he's being choked from the inside out. It's like a constant state of his heartstrings reaching up and pulling his throat tighter, tighter, and tighter, until there's this phantom pain and emptiness all at once, in the deepest parts of his body.

He holds his blade at the Beast Titan's throat, and he can feel that somewhere, Erwin is dying.

He's known all along that Erwin would die eventually. It's not until he finally looks down at his commander, bleeding and broken and sickly pale, that it truly sinks in.

His hands shake as he fills the syringe with titan spinal fluid. There's a crashing roar in his head that's screaming at him to save him, bring him back, _bring him back to me_ , as he pushes Erwin's sleeve up.

Finally, he's embraced by a sudden silence as Erwin slaps his hands away. In Levi’s mind, it's almost like Erwin’s final command, in a way.

He spent his whole adulthood chasing this notion of some sort of truth. In order to lead the life he feels he stole from his father, whose death he holds himself accountable for. If Levi revives him and they find the truth behind the titans in that basement, then what’ll be next? Will Erwin still feel like he has something to fight for? After all, he’s been fighting more for himself than anything else all this time.

He doesn’t let himself think about it too much as he injects the serum into Armin’s arm. Just focuses on the crunch of charcoaled skin and getting the hell out of the way before he gets eaten himself.

Everything afterwards is a blur. Not even the screeching of the titan and Bertholdt's screaming pleas as those jaws close over his head can snap him out of his stupor.

The feeling that comes after Erwin's last breath slips away is strange. It's the coldest he's ever felt, but also strangely hot and feverish. He feels downright ill.

In humanity’s biggest victory yet, he just feels like he’s lost everything.

Levi has never been as sure of anything in his life as he is of Erwin Smith. Their irrevocable bond has been a weight on his soul for six years now, and it’s a weight he’s more than willing to carry. Ever since Farlan and Isabel died, Erwin has been his sole reason for living – for fighting.

So now that he's gone, what's he supposed to do?

_Keep on fighting, Levi. For me, for my father, for humanity. Be a better man than I am, and do what I could never do._

Every muscle, bone, and fibre of his body is screaming at him to just give up. But he’ll keep fighting, for Erwin. He’ll learn the truth, and he’ll keep fighting, and he’ll do whatever he has to in order to keep Erwin’s dreams and his soul alive. That's the one thing he can be sure of now.

Erwin’s bolo tie feels heavy against his chest underneath his uniform; like the cruel and hopeless world he lives in is slamming against him and putting strain on every single bone in his body. It's a reminder, though. A reminder that Erwin will always be close by. In his memories, in his heart, in the crushing weight of humanity that he now bears on his shoulders. He’ll be there to lighten the load.

He gently kisses the shiny green jewel as he gets dressed in the morning. A simple promise that they’ll meet again soon, once this horrible nightmare is finally over.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments are always appreciated!<3  
> I have a [tumblr](http://p-eppermintea.tumblr.com)!


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